Sunday, 5 January 2014

I Don't Want to Talk About It

I haven't written anything here for a while now and there are a few reasons why. Firstly, the last few months have been super busy for me and I was working very long hours and travelling quite a distance to work. Secondly, I've been dealing with a big personal heartache - the end of my relationship.
It's not a big leap for me to assume that everyone who might be reading this blog will have been through a break-up at some point. I know that I'm not the first to have my heart broken and in point of fact, this isn't even the first time I have had my heart broken, but it is most definitely the worst. The man I've been in love with for almost a decade is no longer a part of my life and that hurts like you wouldn't believe. I'm not writing this post for sympathy or for attention, I'm writing it because as the title suggests, I don't want to talk about it.
 Inevitably, when these things happen, you find yourself having to tell people the same story over and over again and every time you do, the tears and devastation you've been trying to push down, rear their ugly heads again. I do not want to have to keep having that conversation, I just want to try and pretend that I'm not really going through this. Don't ask me questions, don't call him a bastard, don't tell me when you've seen him or anything you've heard about him. I just want to hide away from the world until I'm ready to resurface. Which I know will happen at some point. But not yet. So don't be offended if I don't reply to your messages right away or if I'm not the greatest company just now. To quote a classic break-up line, it's not you, it's me.
I can't listen to 90% of the songs on my iTunes at the moment because so many have memories attached or are just a little too close to the bone, but if any song sums up how I feel right now, then this is it: